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The Realities of Self-love

Updated: Nov 10, 2021



When I started my self-love journey I thought it’s all gonna be bubble baths or drinking coffee in my favorite coffee shop alone. Little did I know it would bring out all my good and not-so-good side for me to fully discover myself.


Love yourself. Most times, we advocate for self-love because of how it can transform us and our confidence. While it can bring out the best in us, no one has ever taught us how we do it.


To define what self-love is, according to Google, is having regard for our own happiness and advantage. Pouring this love into ourselves makes us feel whole and complete whatever stage in life we are in. Loving is a part of finding our bliss.

For me, defining self-love is comparing ourselves to a jar. How much we fill ourselves, or the jar, is how much we love our self. When it overflows, that’s the love we are to share and give to others. The logic here is that you can’t give what you don’t have. If your jar isn’t full, how are you supposed to love others?



How can we fill this jar?


1.Learning how you can best love yourself


The best way you can love yourself is through knowing the love languages. What makes you feel loved? How do you show your love to others? Do it to yourself also.


The 5 love languages

  • Quality time: As for me, I like quiet times. I respect my peace, and that’s how I show my love to myself. For you, it can come in the form of watching your favorite show, cook whatever food you like, or even sleeping! Make time for yourself like how you make time for other people. You matter also.

  • Physical touch: This love language applied to yourself, does not mean you should hug yourself or kiss the mirror. Well, you can do that also, but if your love language is physical touch, you should have pay extra attention on how you take care of your body. Take care of your diet, exercise regularly, and take care of your skin.

  • Words of affirmations: What do you tell yourself when you are alone? Do you compliment yourself, acknowledge your efforts, and celebrate your progress? Watch out for how you speak to yourself. Speak love, kindness, and positivity, just like how you would speak to others. Change your language and remove the negative things you say to yourself.

  • Gifts: Checking out what’s in your cart without feeling guilt is a way to treat and love yourself through gifts. Remove the guilty feeling because you worked hard to buy that dress you’ve been thinking about. It can be as simple as your favorite dessert or as grand as a branded bag.

  • Acts of service: Serve yourself. Treat yourself nicely.

2.Finding happiness within yourself

Practicing all these love languages to yourself will make your jar full and overflowing with love. Practice it on a day-to-day basis; when you take a bath, when you drink your morning coffee, when you prepare to go to work, practice all these.

3. How love can come from within


Swallow the hard-pills-to-swallow during your self-love journey:

  • When you start to love yourself, get rid of the dramas and excuses you give to yourself and others.

  • Accept your imperfections and overcome your insecurities.

  • Even if others will not, you should love yourself no matter what.

  • Embrace your dark side and work on it.

  • Hold yourself accountable for change.

  • In self-love, you are on your own.

Self-love is not a one-day journey. It is a life-long endeavor. It is a lifestyle. With all of what I shared on this blog. I hope you take this chance to rethink how you have been treating yourself lately. Love goes beyond romantic feelings for a partner and family relationships; it’s about you too.


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